A former hagwon teacher who applied for insurance after being fired








▲ Currently, I’m helping out at my parents’ shop ©Lee Yeon



I was a teacher at a hagwon[private 바다이야기5만 academic institute]. In my mind, a hagwon teacher is a temporary worker who can get fired anytime, but from the outside, it was a teaching position that appeared good.  When I was seeking a job, I had 야마토게임하기 n’t even heard about the 4 main insurances, severance pay, or unemployment insurance. I just started work after hearing about pay raises and the working hours. Still, my mom always proudly said I was 사이다쿨 a teacher, and I often heard, “You must be good at English!” from those around me.
For hagwon teachers, dyspepsia is common. I also suffered from indigestion at least 3 times a week after ha 사이다쿨 ving to eat in a rush during the 20 minutes allotted for meals. Still, I had to be grateful of the fact that I could eat and teach. After 10 minutes of break there were continuous classes, and paperwo 야마토무료게임 rk I had to do piled up. ‘When on earth are you supposed to prepare for class and do the paperwork?’ I found myself teaching classes without preparing for them and filling out paperwork whenever I could during class time.
I could only be a teacher who improved the grades of the students; I couldn’t talk to them of dreams and aspirations. The more time passed, the more I came to choose teaching methods that were easy for me as a teacher and that could raise the grades of the students, instead of a ‘good’ way of teaching.
Still, I liked the children. On Ppeppero Day [Nov. 11, when people give each other the snack called Ppeppero] and Valentine’s Day, I even made chocolate with the students. I was interested in them, about what went on in school and whether they got along with their friends.
I was lucky (according to another teacher) to receive two weeks’ notice. It was a place where being fired over the phone, on the day of, and incidents of unpaid wages occurred too easily. Of course, there had been no contract stating the promise that my salary would get increased after one year, so I couldn’t prove it. There were no severance pay or unemployment benefits.
I filed a report to the Labor Administration to receive my severance payment and ‘advance notice payment’ (If the employer intends to fire a employee for reasons of management, they must give notice at least 30 days in advance, and if not, they must pay them the regular wages for 30 or more days). Even though it was a reasonable demand, I went through the process asking numerous times whether I was doing the right thing.
When I met my employer and her husband again, I was astonished at their brazenness. Since you can receive severance payment if you worked 1 year or longer, my employers weren’t able to say anything about this. But to receive advance notice payment, I had to prove that I had actually been fired, and they lied, saying that I had stopped coming to work without informing them. Although there was circumstantial evidence that I had been fired, there was no certain evidence such as a recording of when I was getting fired. Furthermore, my employer told me that if I sued, they would sue back for false accusations. Consequently, I was not able to receive the advance notice payment.
Even as I was starting to question whose words were the truth, feeling like my own words were a lie, I submitted the unpaid wage report that the labor inspector had fortunately issued to the unemployment insurance center, and was able to receive unemployment benefits. I paid the premium and got unemployment insurance coverage—which I hadn’t had when I was working at the hagwon—to receive unemployment benefits only after I was fired. I was finally learning the rights a worker was entitled to, one by one.
In this way, I secured my severance pay and my unemployment benefits in the small community of Jeju Island. Many hagwon teachers don’t, because if you do this, it becomes difficult to find a job within the hagwon circle. The reason why I could do this was because I wasn’t going to do this work anymore.   
 
Saying goodbye to a loved one
I fell in love with someone. It was a love where it wasn’t certain whether I loved that person, or I lovedloving that person. It felt as if I could do anything because that person existed. It was because of them that I decided to go abroad to study women’s studies. (Even though, ironically, we would not be able to be together if I went abroad…) Luckily, they were going to wait for me. It was when I was preparing to study abroad that I received the notice that I was fired from the hagwon.
After receiving the notice, I started to clear out my previous life, piece by piece. I let go of my affection towards the children, and emptied out my passion towards working as a hagwon teacher. The day I packed and carried out the heavy pile of all my things from the hagwon, the person I loved was waiting in their car for me. They threw out all the used paper from my boxes, and ate dinner with me. I was able to endure the whole process thanks to that person. But my plans to study abroad became the reason their friends could not welcome me, and why I gave that person up.
Afterwards, I gave up the dream of studying abroad due to my own reasons. Even now, I wonder what would have happened if I had decided earlier that I wouldn’t go abroad to study, or whether the fate of that person and I might have been different if I had discovered the reason I wanted to study women’s studies earlier.
That person had always been supportive, and particularly during the time when I was going through a difficult time after getting fired, the person’s existence itself was a big help. They supported me when I flew to Seoul every Saturday by plane to study women’s studies. On Fridays, I would get home after 10pm at night, go to Seoul on Saturdays to study, and rest my tired body next to that person on Sundays. But had I ever been supportive of them?
When I was struggling against the hagwon that person was worried that I would get hurt, but they left in the end without knowing whether I succeeded. After that, I sought that person and then said goodbye numerous times in my mind every day. Now their voice and face have faded away.








▲ The sea is a 5-minute walk from my home. But for me, Jeju Island is not an island of romance. ©Lee Yeon



What is the reason I want to study women’s studies?
It was good to stop working and receive unemployment benefits. After consulting people around me, I decided to study feminism not abroad but in Korea. I studied hard while receiving training in sexual violence counseling. But my teacher told me I needed to find out why I wanted to study women’s studies in order to be good at studying it.
To be honest, I didn’t have a reason for studying women’s studies. No, I didn’t know. I asked myself over and over again. ‘Why do I want to study women’s studies? What is it that I want to do after graduating from graduate school?’ But asking myself these questions made me realize that the reasons I wanted to study women’s studies would not get resolved through women’s studies. It was because the answer I was attempting to find through women’s studies was already inside me.
When I first encountered women’s studies during college, I was finally able to forgive my relationship with my mom and give myself freedom. Women’s studies was a source of liberation for me. But I had been mistaken in believing that I could resolve the even-now troubled relationship I had with my dad through women’s studies. I was confused. Getting along well with your family. It occurred to me that maybe the presumption that one should get along well with family itself was wrong. You could get along well but also not that well too… I calmly dissected the feelings I had towards my family. And I realized that I had come to want to forgive my dad.
This was not a problem that would be solved by going to graduate school. But still it was clear that women’s studies had let me know what the problem I had was.
My plans to go to graduate school next year all disappeared. I became very confused when thinking of what I should do for a living. I was 28 years old. A friend of mine already had 2 kids. Of course, I don’t think marriage will be my liberation. Plus, I don’t have someone to marry either, so ‘chwijip’ [marriage as one’s job] is impossible for me. What in the world have I been doing since graduating college? I still don’t know what I like or what I want to do. In dramas, at this age, people are already good at their jobs and are dating people they are planning to marry after several past relationships… I had thought I would become like that too.
I had always dreamed of living in another country, and I decided to earn money, travel, study English more, and do work related to English. So I obtained a working holiday visa for Australia. Even after receiving the visa I continued to ask myself, could I do physical labor in another country? Could I, who hadn’t physical strength, clean and work in restaurants? Wouldn’t I be regarded as wasting time by doing such work as a person of 30 years old? I decided that I would first just go. And if it didn’t work out, that I would return… you can’t prepare everything perfectly. And so I reserved a flight to Australia for September 16th.
 
The first phone call I made to my dad in 29 years
Last February, I happened to learn that they were doing a ‘Healing Drama Professional Course (a program designed to liberate participants by finding the cause of pain and sickness through internal guidance) at the Healing Drama Research Center NOW and participated in it. I only had to go to Seoul once a month so the schedule wasn’t difficult, and I had a lot of interest in drama.
The first day, I sat in a circle with strangers and told them my story. Things gradually started to change, as if wounds heal the moment they are spoken in words. I, who had tried to take responsibility for everyone’s emotions, was able to think of myself first and protect myself. Now (who is the head of the research center) said, “Other people change only when I change." Indeed, as I started to change, my surroundings started to, too.
Dad had always been strict. To me, my dad was a scary person. He was someone who caused me distress. He was an abuser… Speaking these words, I was able to separate myself from my past. I was no longer afraid to look at my dad. I had been dragging the dad who had always frightened me with his anger (past) into the present and confusing him with the dad who merely chastises me (reality). Even when my dad was chummy with me, I had clung to the wounded self inside me and had been angry.
One day, my dad came back from Dongsaseob (a happiness meditation program) and, having had a good experience there, wanted the rest of the family to go as well. To tell the truth, I had been thinking that the Drama course would be sufficient, and I resented it since it seemed as if Dad was saying ‘you should go and change too.’ I had endured and made efforts within our family until now, and I resented my dad for starting to make efforts only now. But even after returning from Dongsaseob my dad did not change, and I then thought going there and changing myself would be better.
My suspicions about my dad were wrong. I realized there just how much I had been hating my him. In my heart, I had been thinking ‘I am doing more than enough, but I’m here [using my precious time] because of my dad. (At that time, I was quite busy preparing for my working holiday in Australia.) There, I considered my heart, which blamed my dad, and as each day passed, I reflected upon myself more and more.
It was strange. I saw my fellow trainees getting in touch with those that were significant in their lives even without being told to do so. I also called my dad and told him I was sorry. It was the only phone call I’ve made to my dad in my 29 years. In fact, if he hadn’t called me on my way to Dongsaseob, I wouldn’t even have known the number. I hadn’t been able to forget how brusque I had been upon answering the phone. Not just that. Whenever my dad had been warm towards me, I had ignored his affections because of the moments in the past when he had been angry and made my life difficult.
And I realized that he hadn’t wanted to go because he wanted me to change, but because he genuinely had had a good experience and had wanted to share it. Just like the way I talked about Dongsaseob to the people around me these days. Looking into myself and looking at my dad, I realized that I had been wrong in thinking it was only I that had been making efforts and had been a victim…
 
The ambiguity of life ‘helping out at one’s parents’ shop’
My plans to go to Australia on a working holiday were postponed due to health issues. Currently, I’m helping at my parents’ shop. People around me envy me in that I can do that and also do what I want to do. They also say that since I can inherit this business in the future, I don’t have to worry about making a living.
What I do at the shop isn’t fixed. This is because what I do changes depending on what the customer orders. In other words, I do everything. These days, I do paperwork or prepare study plans and material needed for when mom lectures. This is because my mom isn’t that good at using computers. I also prepare lunch for us to eat at work and mind the shop. On Sundays, I look after the shop alone, and when my mom has errands to take care of I also mind the shop. Because it’s something I’ve been doing since I was very young, it’s not difficult. When a customer comes, I sell products, connect them with my mom, and make further appointments for them.
But this feeling of not working even though I am working, and having issues with my parents from time to time is something I can’t do anything about. I dream of becoming completely independent, but it feels as if I will not be able to do so… Sometimes, when I discover myself giving up on what I want to do because of my parents (even though they themselves say nothing about it), I get frustrated. Sometimes the words ‘our family’ pressure me to hide my desires and be patient. Also, I have to protect myself from the views that see me as living off my parents instead of my own abilities.
These days, I go to Seoul every Friday for a class. The fee is 200,000 won. I needed my parents’ support in order to pay the fee upfront. Since I go to Seoul from Jeju Island to listen to these lectures, the additional cost for a total of 6 lectures is around 1,500,000 won. The reason I was able to put up with those gazes of incomprehension from others is my own will and my mom’s support. (When it cost around 3,000,000 won to study women’s studies before, I didn’t tell those around me.)
At this moment, the place closer to me is not the sea, which is a 5 minute walk away, but the area near Hongik University. Is Jeju Island really the island of romance? For me, it’s merely the place I make a living, my hometown, and a place where the beautiful sea can be seen from time to time. I’m beginning to grow tired of the impressed looks I get when I say I’m from Jeju Island, since for me, who has to deal with the expensive airfare, living in Jeju Island is neither a privilege nor romantic.
Currently, I am an unmarried woman who lives with her pet (Namu) and doesn’t have a job or any savings. I went through a lot and had to continuously let go in order to be able to say this without difficulty. I’ve started to study the mind recently, and my teacher said that the question ‘what am I?’ is different from the question ‘who am I?’ Honestly, I’m not sure I completely understand this. But I’m sure of the fact that this question makes me grow and is helpful to my life.
I’ve been struggling over and over with the question ‘what am I?’ during my 20s. Questions such as ‘why was I born into this world, and what was I meant to do? What would be the thing I would be best at?’ . . . But now, I think about ‘who am I?’ Although it’s a question whose answer I don’t know, it occurs to me that it’s okay if I don’t in the end. Even though there’s a beginning, there doesn’t necessarily have to be an end. Sometimes even the start itself is valuable. I just want to live, gratefully, together with someone who will always be on my side. [Translated by Rose]
 
*Original article: http://ildaro.com/6873 Published: November 2, 2014

나는 매주 ‘바다를 건너’ 공부하러 다닌다